Week 22 – If I feel depressed I will sing….

The Twenty Second Week…..

It is now the first week in March and time for a new scroll to begin. As I started reading the 6th scroll it revealed some very important things that I really needed to hear 3 times a day.  I have been struggling for the past several weeks, wondering what is “wrong” with me. I am doing well for awhile, knowing that I am growing & expanding and then…here it comes again, those down days…dealing with emotions when obstacles and challenges are brought before me that strike cords deep within.

Feeling so down I can’t even figure out what emotion is at the root cause, so how can I use them to affect change within me? I remembered what Mark said, “Don’t get hung up on the definitions, see them as energy”. Since I can’t decipher I will be grateful for all 5.

  • If it’s Fear use it for intense concentration, focus and energy.
  • If it’s Hurt Feelings it’s a reminder of how much I care.
  • If it’s Anger, channel the energy for change, step back be the observer, use the energy for productivity. Side Note: Sadness is Anger turned inward (I’m depressed – is it intense anger turned inward?)
  • If it’s Guilt, it’s a confirmation and validation of my strong moral compass and goodness. It’s evidence I know what to do.
  • If it’s Unworthiness, it’s a warning I haven’t made a choice or I’m off my path of my Dharma. This feeling comes from a less than performance that comes from a lack of focus.

I was really bummed and out of energy. I have been working hard on several aspects of my DMP, maybe too hard and getting too tired but I would feel great and then crash again!

I have had to go through some tough growth times in the recent weeks and have really drawn inward and with the emotional exhaustion I was having a nice pity party and truly lacking the energy to do anything! I felt zapped….a very low time for me. How was I to harness this energy from these feelings?

I began studying more on meditation, getting ready for my “Silent Retreat”. Maybe my “sits” were a preparation for this but maybe I’m missing something. Why am I stuck in this “quick sand”? I still don’t know what all is evolving and shifting from within but Scroll 6 had some nuggets for me!

“Today I will be master of my emotions. It is one of nature’s tricks, little understood, that each day I awaken with moods that have changed from yesterday. Yesterday’s joy will become today’s sadness; yet today’s sadness will grow into tomorrow’s joy. Inside me is a wheel, constantly turning from sadness to joy…”

“Today I will be master of my emotions. And how will I master my emotions so that every day is a happy day, and a productive one? I will learn this secret of the ages:…I will follow this plan of battle….IF I feel depressed I will sing…. IF I feel sad I will laugh….”

There it was..If I feel depressed I will sing.

Now I’m not one to sing much on my own so I pulled out some CD’s and searched for some motivating music to sing with while showering , walking outside and while completing some tasks that needed to be done.

Here is one song of the several I found that really helped me; maybe it will encourage you also 🙂

Thank you Fawn, Lucy & Sharon for reaching out to me…..I am very grateful and appreciative of your love and encouragement, I hope I can reciprocate for you as well 🙂

“Never Give Up” sung by Yolanda Adams


Visions that can change the world trapped inside an ordinary girl
She looks just like me too afraid to dream out loud
And though it’s simple your idea, it won’t make sense to everybody
You need courage now If you’re gonna persevere

To fulfill divine purpose, you gotta answer when you’re called
So don’t be afraid to face the world against all odds

Keep the dream alive don’t let it die
If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try, don’t stop
And never give up, don’t ever give up on you
Don’t give up

Every victory comes in time, work today to change tomorrow
It gets easier, who’s to say that you can’t fly
Every step you take you get, closer to your destination
You can feel it now, don’t you know you’re almost there?

To fulfill divine purpose, you gotta answer when you’re called
So don’t be afraid to face the world against all odds

Keep the dream alive don’t let it die
If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try, don’t stop
And never give up, don’t ever give up on you

Who holds the pieces to complete the puzzle?
The answer that can solve a mystery
The key that can unlock your understanding
It’s all inside of you, you have everything you need yeahhhh

Sooooo, keep the dream alive don’t let it die
If something deep inside, keeps inspiring you to try don’t stop
And never give up, don’t ever give up on you

Sometimes life can place a stumbling block in your way
But you’re gotta keep the faith, bring what’s deep inside your heart yeah your
Heart to the light
And never give up Don’t ever give up on you

Nooo don’t give up,
No, no, no, no don’t give up
Oh, no, no, no, no don’t…give…up


Week 17 – Permission to have Abundance abounding!

The Seventeenth week…

This may sound silly, but I recently have found it is harder to finish a blog post than when we first began. I am enamored with the accuracy in building sentences. I have seen how important it is and the results lead to success or failure. I truly understand it is the highest form of architecture in civilization and is essential for success. Whether we write the sentences or speak them only, what we think and ultimately write or say has a profound effect on others as well as ourselves. I think of the end of Luke 6:45 “… for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

Abundance is a noun and Abounding is a verb. When I looked abundance up in an older dictionary it said “an overflowing quantity, large quantity, great plenty – refer to abound“. So when looking up Abound it stated it came from a Latin origin meaning “from a wave or surge” and was defined by the action of having or possessing great quantity or being copiously supplied. It gave me an explicit word picture of the the statement ‘abundance abounding’! Wow! Abundance is like a surging wave that keeps going 🙂

Well, we are into the 3rd week of the “Makeover” and focusing again on a specific virtue to start into motion an abundance of that virtue in our lives. As we consciously focus an entire week on authentically drawing out these virtues which are subdued within us and also search for living examples around us for that single virtue, it creates an abundance of that virtue. We start “seeing” it everywhere. It is a like that surging wave, building and overflowing from your life and spilling over into the lives of others. We start seeing kindness, courage, persistence, enthusiasm, gratefulness, generosity, orderliness, self-control and other glorious virtues more and more in our lives and in others. What a beautiful thing to proliferate!

Remember make it a habit to look for kindness and gratitude, good habits are the key to all success. As you focus on virtuous things it becomes easier to do and a pleasure to perform. “If it is a pleasure to perform it is man’s nature to perform it often”. When you perform it often it becomes a habit and this is a good habit that creates a surge of an abundance of virtues abounding in your life!

My virtue this week was decisiveness and it has rung true this week as it did last week with kindness. I was able to see it more in my life and really personalize it. It had a compounding effect on me, with the decisiveness came more clarity, self-confidence, courage, happiness and Power.

Happiness & Power…there it was. I thought of the questions posed to us during the webinar “What distinguishes the difference? PERMISSION! Have I given myself Permission to access & use my power to be of service? and Have I given myself Permission to be happy!”?

I Carla, give myself permission to access from within myself the power and the permission to use that power to be of service for the common good of myself and others.

I Carla, give myself permission to be Happy, be loved, to love and have abundance!

Permission Granted!!!

Week 16 – Kindness is so Energizing!

The Sixteenth week…

Look for Kindness…. that was our point of focus and awareness in the make-over we started last week.

Kindness and Love make us feel good, happy, lighter feeling and they generate energy in others and ourselves. It is so energizing and safe feeling to be around kind people. We are drawn towards them, want to be around them and want to be more like them. Kindness seems to grow, have a domino effect or even be contagious.

We have a more positive outlook on life when we are extending kindness to others, to ourselves, and receiving kindness from others.

We are happier when we are being kind. When we are happy we produce more feel-good hormones and our happiness grows.

Usually we tend to focus on being kind to others but we also need to be kind to ourselves as well as learn to receive kindness from others.

When we are kind to ourselves and are recipients to kindness we receive all those same benefits that others receive when we are kind to them. We are energized, happier, healthier, gentle, patient, more secure, more grateful, our awareness of our self-worth increases, and our internal dialogue becomes more and more positive. We see obstacles and challenges from a more optimistic view. Our power increases, we have the courage to dream and reach for those dreams. We are less tempted to compare and measure our worth by the approval of others. The increased self-worth is manifested by living in the present, becoming your own hero, and taking the responsibility to create healthier habits.

So this week I did extend kindness to others but also took the time to be kind to myself. To be kind to every cell in my body I expressed gratitude for doing their daily jobs and took time to rest my feet, take walks, breathe fresh air, get sunshine and do stress relieving exercises with the foam roller. I acknowledged and celebrated the growth and positive change in me since MKMMA started in August. And with that I was able to listen better, have more energy, become more focused to accomplish tasks, dream more, meet challenges from a positive angle, and I have more power and courage to walk to the beat of my own drum…..and I needed all of that 🙂

Week 15 – A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

The Fifteenth week…..

#1 The laws under which we live are designed solely for our advantage. These laws are immutable and we cannot escape from their operation.

What are “Word Pictures“?

The most ancient forms of written communication were formed by drawing pictures in a series to tell a story. I like to study ancient Hebrew and it is fascinating, each letter represents a sound and a picture. The letters of each word paint a picture to illustrate and make clear the meaning of the word. Therefore, even if you don’t speak the language, the words speak for themselves and the meaning of words stand through time. Modern English speaks in words and not pictures so words can evolve or change from their original meaning easier. For example – “awful” was originally a shortened version of “full of awe” and used in expressions such as the “awful majesty of GOD”.

Above is an example is the word “Heart” in ancient Hebrew. Hebrew is read right to left so the first letter or picture is a shepherds staff and the second is the floor plan of a tent. The staff represents “Authority” (shepherd over his flock) and floor plan represents being situated inside (family lives inside), therefore when together they give the picture of “the authority within”. The Hebrews saw the heart as the seat of emotion as well as the seat of thought. To them the heart was the mind including all thoughts plus emotions. Today we will say someone has a “good heart or hardened heart ” and associate the heart with emotions like love or bitterness and we see the brain as the seat of thought. As I was reading this week, I think the ancient Hebrew word picture for “heart” seemed very accurate – “the authority within”.

Reading part 15 expressed thought is creative and the principle upon which this law is based is sound and inherent in all things, but in order to possess vitality the thought must contain love. #11 It is love which imparts vitality to thought and thus enables it to germinate.

I saw the importance of accuracy and clarity in building words and sentences when reading #12 – The first form which thought will find is language or words; this determines the importance of words; they are the first manifestation of thought – the vessels in which thought is carried.

Word pictures are referred to in #15 – we cannot escape from the pictures we incessantly photograph on the mind, and this photography of erroneous conceptions is exactly what is being done by the use of words, when we use any form of language which is not identified with our welfare. #16 We manifest more and more life as our thought becomes clarified and takes higher planes. This is obtained with greater facility as we use word pictures that are clearly defined, and relieved of the conceptions attached to them on lower planes of thought.

This past week defining words and creating word pictures helped me to gain clarity and focus on the outcome my heart desires. Resistance from my old blueprint has been blurring my vision. I’ve come a long way but I still have more work to do in getting my thoughts more and more clarified but I feel the excitement building as I meet this challenge.

#23 The beauty of the word consists in the beauty of the thought…

Here are two beautiful thoughts that I want to keep in motion… I came across them reading fellow travelers blogs 🙂

1. The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.

2. If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you’re not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it!

Week 14 – Motivation from the Movies

The Fourteenth week….

I’m still playing the “Glad Game” to help me focus on Gratitude and form new habits! It is helping in my quest to bring about a radical change in my life 🙂

I am grateful I was able to watch the 4 movies we were asked to watch during these past 2 weeks. They were all motivating in their own way but it was exciting to notice the common threads that especially related to our reading. One was the main characters steady fixed focus on their definite chief aim – their dream – with little or no support. It didn’t matter what others saw in them, it was what they saw in themselves. Even with the appearance of the death of their dreams they didn’t give up. They knew what they wanted and worked hard for it. They couldn’t listen to the negative that was being said, they had to listen within and choose to reach for the stars.

In our reading this week Part 14 #26 says “But the thought must be clear cut, steady, fixed, definite, unchangeable; you cannot take one step forward and two steps backward, neither can you spend twenty or thirty years of your life building up negative conditions as the result of negative thoughts, and then you expect to see them all melt away as the result of fifteen or twenty minutes of right thinking.” #27 If you enter into the discipline necessary to bring about radical change in your life you must do so deliberately, after giving the matter careful thought and full consideration, and then you must allow nothing to interfere with your decision.

This made me think of cards I wrote during our early weeks of MKMMA.

  • Ambiguity = uncertainty or inexactness of meaning in language. A lack of decisiveness or commitment resulting from a failure to make a choice between alternatives. Synonyms – Vagueness, obscurity, uncertainty.
  • What is done in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
  • Accuracy drops when ambiguity increases and the result is as bad as negativity.
  • We have a basic urge to resolve life’s ambiguities (confusing uncertain situations) and when done from a negative bias (which we all have a tendency towards) we are more inclined to ruminate on negative thoughts.
  • It is toxic to be a habitual ruminator, chewing and re-chewing the same thing over and over. This habit didn’t develop overnight and won’t be replaced overnight.
  • Scroll #1 – My bad habits must be destroyed and new furrows prepared for good seed. I will form good habits and become their slave!
  • Accuracy in building words and sentences is the highest form of architecture in civilization and the passport to success! Accuracy is the opposite of ambiguity!
  • My favorite quote since I was a teen – It is better to aim for a star, and hit a lamppost, than to aim at lamppost and hit the gutter.

I will write more on each of the movies in another post but I was truly motivated. It put me in touch with that feeling of the burning desire to be true to myself that I had when I was younger. It was nice to have that flame rekindled 🙂 The cement that got applied through the years almost snuffed it out.

Accuracy, clear focus, gratitude, harmonious mental attitude, concentrate deeply & earnestly on harmony, peace, cooperation, and my definite main purpose 🙂

Week 13 – Gratitude: The art of recognizing the beauty in what I have!

The Thirteenth week….

Gratitude: The art of recognizing the beauty in what I have!

What a good time in my life to be reminded about gratitude; my willingness to recognize the good and make music with what I have when it takes some doing to do so.

When Mark talked about gratitude and having the “Happy Knack” it reminded me of one of my favorite movies “Pollyanna”. I love Pollyanna and this week it rekindled my desire to have her ability to play the “Glad Game”, a game she played with her father. She would refer to it as a lovely game; the fun was in the “hunting” for the good but admitted being “glad” was sometimes easier said than done, especially after her father died. Pollyanna learned the “knack” of seeing the best in situations, events & people and it was contagious to those around her.

I hadn’t really thought about it at this level but Pollyanna became the cause of more gratitude 🙂 the more you practice it, the better you get. So many things I am getting a deeper insight into… an awakening of sorts. Gratitude started as a cause and not an effect. Seeing that gratitude usually comes from the actions of people; being grateful for what someone has done. However that action someone took came from a conscious thought they had. More than likely there was a good feeling attached making them feel wonderful inside. Therefore a thought + feeling = belief. Beliefs drive actions which give results. Gratitude flows and creates more gratitude.

I can see how gratefulness begets joyfulness. When you learn the art of causing more gratitude cascading from your life into others; spreading joy & love….what a beautiful thing 🙂

No better place than to start with than myself. To be grateful for the growth I have had since starting MKMMA, grateful I am alive to see the beauty and wonders YAH has created, grateful I am willing to be the cause of more gratitude, grateful I am growing in my ability to play the “glad game” and becoming a person that puts knowledge into practice.

I cannot teach what I do not know….I cannot give what I do not have…

So I will continue to learn so I can teach….and I will focus on gratitude, joy & love so I will have more to give 🙂

Week 12 – The Lesson? Continuing to learn to walk through change

The Twelfth week…..

Last week’s blog was very short, it was hard for me to write. So many things going through my head that I needed to sort through. I had gotten behind in Canada and then some hard things happened in the course of life and it knocked the breath out of me for a bit. I kept telling myself “Get back on the horse Carla when you get knocked off”. I just needed to sit, seek YAH and try to sort out what was this life lesson about. Trying to be the observer but that is so hard when shock & pain are involved. I had been knocked back into a fear program and was running off of that again. How disappointing but I knew there was some message in all of this for me; stretching me, extending me and all because now I’m on this journey with MKMMA.

I kept reading others blogs but couldn’t even bring myself to post comments. The blogs were encouraging to me. I knew I was not alone in this struggle that comes with change at such a deep level. I also realized the connection I have with my “new family”. On days I was really struggling different stories from other MKMMA blogs would come to mind. I would pray and send encouragement and knew at the same time I had others doing the same for me. I like this group of “cheerleaders” we have become for each other. It is like having a group of loving people cheering me on.

My wonderful guide has helped me in very concrete ways for which I am very grateful. Thank you Lydia 🙂

I still have decisions to make, counsel to seek about injustice being done, adjust my DMP a bit and work to keep my energy up but I choose to move forward. I keep saying “I can be what I will to be and I will to be courageous, strong, confident, full of power, love, fortitude, stamina, perseverance and healthy on all levels mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Life is good! My oldest son graduated from college with his Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering, we had a fun celebration and he will be starting his new position at the end of January. Hanukkah began this week and it was befitting to me, a time of re-dedication and miracles. Celebrating one day’s worth of oil lasted for eight and that is how I have felt I was sustained lately.

Week 11 – Keeping Promises Builds Self-Confidence

The Eleventh Week….

TRUST! is the ONLY REAL CURRENCY!!! That statement has resonated with me since the webinar.

What builds self-confidence? Is it achievement? No……Keeping Promises does, doing what you promise to do, being trustworthy, a character based habit….

Trust is a big issue with me. I have been behind with the class since being in Canada, this really bothers me and has affected my self-confidence. Scroll 3 is a good scroll for me right now….I will persist until I succeed…..

Week 10 – Growing pains

The Tenth Week….

The week of Thanksgiving was hard for me to stay on course with running here & there and then I ended up very sick for over a week. I hadn’t been this sick for over 20 years. While lying there in bed I wondered if this was a physical detox from “old stuff” that was accompanying the mental detox I was also going through.

I have made changes but it feels like a roller coaster ride at times. I am so grateful for the encouragement from my guide, the videos she has forwarded from alliances and from reading members blogs. I have been able to see that others have experienced some of the same struggles I am having that accompany change. Overall it is so totally worth it but it seems I am always fighting negative bias and having to do a lot of self talk.

I have read and re-read the beginning of Part Ten. “The ordinary man, who has no definite knowledge of cause & effect, is governed by his feelings or emotions.” I am growing in my knowledge and not necessarily governed by my feelings or emotions but they sure do get plenty of game time in my head! This is very frustrating to me.

I am trying to understand more fully and gain a clearer picture that there is no effect without an adequate cause. Taking personal responsibility and following the trail of truth wherever it leads seems like it yields an internal fight for me. I am working to be responsible for my thoughts and not tell myself any stories that will keep me from growth. I continue to strive for the 7 day mental diet.

As some difficulties and stresses have reared up lately I am trying desperately to be the observer and take personal responsibility for constructive thought. I seek wisdom, strength, courage and to function in harmony. I seek growth…Where there is growth, there must be life….I am thankful for each new day and new growth even though some days I can feel the pain of growth more than others 🙂

Week 9 – Shifting…Maybe I can experience one of the folds of the 6th dimension soon

The Ninth Week….

This is where I left off last time….Remember Carla…be an observer, stay the course, awareness begins change, love yourself, break the addiction of negative bias, speak positive affirmations to the Gal in the mirror, move toward becoming your future-self’s best friend, link, connect, use those triggers to accelerate learning and DO the action to apply.

I even had a wonderful sheet of affirmations supplied by my wonderful guide. Must have been the old blueprint digging it’s heals in….I really had some rough days. Down on myself because I was behind, the negative bias was really strong. I could say the affirmations but not like I meant it. I even questioned my DMP & PPN’s. The best thing I did was re-listen to the webinar and hearing Davene tell of her struggles she had on her journey to freedom helped me over the hump…..I’m sure glad because I was stuck in some deep mud or trying to go through some pretty big crusty tracks.

For a long time I’ve had this picture of our lives being on a circular track. To me, I see the rough times in my life are like going through the mud and when that time of year rolls around the following year the memory rolls with it. So I try to picture myself making a new track over that crusty old mud (that difficult time) trying not to get stuck this time around or at least walking through it better.

This past week my son had me watch an 11 minute video for a school project that he needed to complete. [He is graduating from college in less than 2 weeks in Electrical Engineering!] The short video Imagining the Tenth Dimension – Rob Bryanton was very interesting and I went away with some thoughts. (There actually is a longer movie version that I ended up watching Imagining 10 Dimensions – the Movie ). It talks about the 4th dimension (duration, better stated than time), we usually picture time like a line or an arrow. It showed this duration with the ability to stretch, bend or or even instantaneously quantum entangle 2 different points. The 5th dimension was also very interesting, talking about this dimension being orthogonal to the previous dimension. So instead of my picture of 1 year to another being a circle is more like a mobius strip; 2 ends brought together with a twist present. You start and end at the same place but have been on both sides. The author talked about there are a multitude of paths to branch to at any given moment, those branches will be influenced by our own choice, chance & the actions of others. He then went on to talk about Quantum Physics and the Observer, by the act of observing, we can Choose and collapse the probable futures as we experience time. This actually helped me work through some of my struggle this past week.

Knowing that if I continue to strive for the 7 Day Mental Diet, continue to strive to be an observer, continue on this path with the beautiful support and stay in harmony….. I just might experience one of those folds the author talked about in the 6th dimension 🙂